He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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