No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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