she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
