Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
