So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
