I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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