I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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