i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
