My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
