can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
