My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
