...so i touched it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
