worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
and i looked up. we had an audience...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
