the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
