normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
