I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
