flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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