apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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