my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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