I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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