she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i now understand why vodka
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
