saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
