i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
