Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
