you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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