Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize