remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
