if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
