I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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