my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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