I hate your face
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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