she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You're like the curious george of whores
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
