i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
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