his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
