so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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