How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
