i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
