ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I could fuck to npr.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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