I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
