I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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