You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
