I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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