How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
