yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
