omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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