SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I am midnight drunk by noon
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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