Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Life is so much better after having sex.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
