what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
