make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
