First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
