Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
