Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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