Just fell off a train. Bad.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
