ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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