so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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