i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
