I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you never un-have a 4some
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
