I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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