I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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