paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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