Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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