Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
