Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
