I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
