I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My feet surprised me
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