I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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