We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
