Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
