Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
