I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
