omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
