dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
