Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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