I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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