I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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