ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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