my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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